Dear Ascend,

I started with a new team recently, and on my first day, I found out that I was the only BIPOC person in the office. Within my first week, I noticed many subtle acts of exclusion, commonly known as microaggressions, from my white coworker.

During my first two months, she began responding to me aggressively, dismissing me when I spoke to her about work items, confronting me about my “tone” in emails, giving me work as if she was my manager — just to name a few actions. Not long after voicing my concern about a lack of diversity in the office, they hired a Black woman, and she began to experience similar things with this coworker.

When I tried to bring these issues to my manager, and my manager’s boss, I was told these actions were not toxic or microaggressions. I’ve tried gentle avoidance and even directly (via email) asking this coworker to use professional etiquette when working with me, but I now find myself an outcast due to the strong hold this individual has on the rest of the team.

What should I do? I love the work I do and don’t want to have to leave, but I’m now noticing that I’m being excluded from participating in events. Is this bias, racism, and/or mean girl behavior?

Sincerely,

Seeking Inclusion

We asked LeRon L. Barton — writer, author, and speaker who has written at length about navigating the workplace as BIPOC leader — to weigh in.

Dear Seeking Inclusion,

Throughout my 23-year career in corporate America, people have doubted my intellect and claimed I was a “diversity hire.” I have been on the receiving end of nasty comments and racist jokes. I’ve been left out, ignored, and made to feel as if I don’t belong.

I know what it’s like to be “the only one” in the room. When you look around and see no one that looks like you, it’s normal to feel vulnerable. The everyday act of waving off microaggressions and combating stereotypes — all while trying to maintain a healthy state of mind — can wear on you, too. This is especially true when no one sees what you’re experiencing or believes you.

Reading your letter, I can feel the frustration and loneliness you’re going through. If it appears that no one “has your back” when these workplace attacks happen, the situation may even seem perilous. It sounds like you could be experiencing something known as racial trauma. Dr. Shaakira Hayward Stewart describes this as “microaggressions and macroaggressions that perpetuate racism, stereotypes, and oppression.” At work, this can happen over email, be nonverbal and verbal, and manifest in a lack of career advancement. The extreme stress this causes can also seep into other parts of your life, and even potentially lead to problems such as substance abuse and other mental health issues.

While it is ultimately your organization’s responsibility to address these inequalities, there are some things you can do to protect yourself and your well-being moving forward.

1) Know you’re not alone.

While your organization’s management may not be willing to acknowledge the validity of your experiences, there’s no question that being BIPOC can impact the way you’re treated at work. When you are a person of color in a workplace that is predominately white, your work is likely to be carefully (and unfairly) scrutinized. Data has shown that the performance of Black workers, specifically, is examined more closely than their white peers. Even what you wear and how you style your hair can be up for debate. (The CROWN Act or Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair Legislation has been passed in 23 states to protect Black women from being harassed for their hair styles.)

This kind of discrimination isn’t exclusive to one community, either. For example, research shows that the Covid-19 pandemic resulted in an uptick of discrimination against Asian-American people in the workplace. Another study found that 76% of Latinos repress parts of their personas at work, such as their appearance, body language, and communication styles.

As you mentioned, even your tone of voice may be critiqued. Throughout my career, I’ve had to be careful when raising my voice during disagreements. As a Black man, there have been times when I’ve objected to a request or increased my voice just the smallest amount, and people have said they felt threatened. It’s not fair that we are viewed as confrontational anytime we do not agree, but this is the way the game has been set up for us.

I say all of this to reassure you that what you’re experiencing is not in your head, despite what your coworkers may be trying to tell you. Your experiences are valid and worth addressing.

2) Document everything.

You may already be doing this in some way, but it’s important to continue documenting your experiences. Whenever you have a negative experience with this coworker, or anyone else, write them down. Note the time, date, what was said, and who said it. If you have a copy of problematic or discriminatory email exchanges or any other hard evidence you can screenshot or gather, make sure you are doing so. You can write things down in a notebook, a Word doc, your phone, or create a file where you gather evidence on your laptop or tablet.

These documents can serve as evidence, backing up any accusations you might bring to management. Logging your experiences also shows the existence of a pattern, and that could be important in proving harassment.

3) Find your allies.

Regarding the Black woman at your company that is also experiencing similar treatment, it’s important to acknowledge what she’s going through. Her similar experience shows there is a bias towards non-white people at your company, and you should definitely document this as well.

Don’t assume, however, that she’ll be eager to collaborate with you on confronting management or HR. While there may be “strength in numbers,” the reality is she may not want to get involved, either due to fear of reprisal or not wanting to insert herself into your workplace harassment claim. While speaking up about harassment is absolutely necessary to drive change, the process can also take a big emotional toll (as I’m sure you know). It’s possible your coworker is not in a place to take that on.

You can gauge where she’s at by asking her to join you for coffee or lunch so you can talk about her experience at the job. Inquire about how she is doing. If she has been having difficulty with the team or this particular person, explain to her what has been happening to you, how your manager (and your manager’s boss) responded when you reported it, and any next steps you plan to take — such as gathering evidence and reporting the issue to HR. If she is interested in joining your effort, document her experiences or ask her to do the same. She may also be aware of other people within the organization who can serve as allies, or who may be experiencing similar inequities and want to report them.

If she is not interested in moving forward, it’s important to respect her choice.

4) Confront management.

In your letter, you wrote that you’ve already approached your manager with concerns and were brushed off. You mentioned going to your manager’s boss as well. In that case, I would go to the manager above them. If you are rebuffed or the issue is still not addressed, go to the manager above them. If your issue is not being handled in a way that is appropriate, you may also want to consider addressing your concerns with HR.

When discussing your concerns with your direct manager’s superiors or HR, you should state the concerns you have. During the meetings, talk about what you have been experiencing, bring the notes and documentation you have written, and explain what management has not done and what they should be doing. If allies are willing to come and talk about the discrimination they have witnessed or similarly experienced, bring them. This will strengthen your claims.

5) Know when to leave.

To be frank, experiencing this type of behavior just two months into your tenure is troubling. It’s hard to imagine your workplace experience improving. If you address these problems with your direct manager, their management, and HR, and nothing changes, then that organization is not the right place for you. You can take their lack of action as a clear sign that you are not respected or valued there — and you absolutely deserve to be respected and valued at work.

It’s also important to pay attention to your physical and mental health throughout this process. Experiencing microaggressions on a daily basis can lead to increased rates of depression, headaches, high blood pressure, and difficulties with sleep. No one should have to put up with that, no matter the dollar amount.

And rest assured, while things may feel bleak right now, there are workplaces that prioritize belonging, inclusion, and psychological safety. There are better options for you — and you can get through this and find them. You may even be more well-equipped to spot (and avoid) in your job search now that you’ve gone through this experience.

• • •

Working in an environment where you experience racist acts, intentionally or unintentionally, can be very difficult. (I’ve been there.) As someone who comes from a historically marginalized background, I understand what it means to obtain a position at a highly regarded company — a career that could help your family and create generational wealth. But at what cost? You and your well-being are top priority.

I hope your organization makes the right decisions in addressing your experiences, and if they don’t, I hope you have the power and ability to put yourself first.