Your job should fit into your
life…
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“What do
you do for
work?”
This is the first thing I ask when
meeting someone new. I’ve read (and been
told many times) that it’s the most
boring question you can possibly ask—but
I disagree. As a curious person, I want
to know how other people spend
one-third of
their
lives.
Research says a lot of us (about four out of
every 10) think our
jobs are extremely important to our
identities. That might be why, when I
ask someone about their job, I also
learn about their
life.
One person might answer, “Well,
I work as an engineer. But I also sell
crafts on Etsy and that’s more of my
passion.”
Another might
say, “I’m a nurse and I specialize in
gender-affirming care. I got into it
because I think we need more safe spaces
for queer people seeking
treatment.”
A third might
admit, “I’m working at a startup, at
least until my stocks vest. Once I sell
them, I plan to buy at tiny house off
the grid.”
Each answer teaches me so much about the
other person: their motivations and
values; the way they want to be
perceived because of—or despite—their
professional title; the different ways
their job fits into the bigger picture
of who they are; and what they
imagine for their
future.
I say this because, as the next
generations enter the workforce, I want
to free them of both the old and newer
ways of thinking about a job. It
doesn’t need to
be your entire
passion, but it can
also be more than a nine-to-five you
suffer through for a paycheck. Your job
can be as meaningful or as trivial as
you allow it—and both things are
okay.
Think about what role you want your
career to play in your longer life
journey. Will it be a way to create
positive change? Will it be a series of
experiments that you use to learn? Or
will it be something entirely different?
Pay attention to what works for you and
what doesn’t. Then, adjust each new
role to align more
closely with your goals.
In my experience, this is how
people build fulfilling lives—not just
careers.
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Do you know what you really
want?
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If pursuing a path or goal
suddenly seems more
interesting to you because someone else
is doing it, now may be a good time to
pause or reflect. Whether you're at the
start of your career—or well on your
way—it's easy to become influenced by
others (peers, managers, family, and
friends). But racking up credentials
that fail to align with your values can
ultimately lead to dissatisfaction. So,
how do you figure out what you really
want?
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The key is
to be intentional about the
information you consume and who that
information is coming from. Pay
attention to when and how you’re
being impacted by others, in-person
and online. When you’re talking to a
friend or colleague or scrolling
through social media, ask: Am I
being influenced in ways that are
useful? Do their values or goals
genuinely align with my
own?
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When you lose your job—and it’s your
whole identity
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No matter what role our
jobs end up playing in our
lives, from time to time, they can end
up bleeding into our understanding of
who we fundamentally are. In other
words, they can become too big a part of
our identities. What if this happens,
and you lose your job? How can you
recover and reconnect with yourself so
that you’re able to move on? Executive
coach Rebecca Zucker has a tip:
Test your limiting beliefs. Your
identity and sense of self are mental
constructs. If you feel stuck, it’s
likely because you’re seeing yourself
through a singular, fixed (and
unproductive) perspective. This often
sounds like, “My value is what I
produce.”
To test this belief,
reach out to a few personal and
professional contacts whom you respect
and ask them two questions:
- What do you value or appreciate
about me?
-
How do you see your own value as a
person?
Through the first question, you’ll
discover that other people value you for
different things than your job. The
second question will show you other
models of how you can see or value
yourself. Use the answers you receive to
help you untether your self-worth from
your work.
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